Why Christmas is Confusing

Growing up with Santa AND Jesus can be difficult. With this being my first year as a Christ follower (not just a believer), I’ve been delighting in the wonderful Christmas story! However, I have been comparing the amazing truth of Jesus’s birth to what I knew and thought about Santa Claus. There are some serious differences in these two conflicting messages that I have realized!

Think about this song we sing about Santa Claus.

“He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake. You better watch out, you’d better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.”

We are introduced to an omniscient being who knows what everything we do! For those children who believe in God, too, it is easy to compare the two beings right away. It is especially difficult because we celebrate these two beings at the same time each year! Santa, who sees all and judges us for right or wrong. And God, who… does he do that, too?

For most of my life, I thought that God, like Santa, was judging me. Keeping track of my errors and wrongdoings. Marking them down on a list. Labeling us as “naughty” or “nice.” This misconception confused me as a child, giving me the impression that our all-knowing God was keeping track the way that Santa did, and I should behave because I knew that God, and Santa, was watching.

So why do we need to behave for Santa? Well, as the tale goes, when we are “nice” we receive the gifts that we asked for! But when we are “naughty,” all that we receive is coal! We get the impression that what we get is based off of what we do.

Once again, many children are surrounded by the word of God during Christmastime, and also the presence of Santa. So I can see why this is a common thought about our God, too. If we act kindly, do the right thing, and follow his word, we will receive blessings, happiness, and wealth. If we sin and do wrong, will we face troubles and hardships (and receive coal)? The answer is no! Our experiences are not given to us by God based upon what we do. Instead, we may be given blessings or hardships by a God who has a greater plan for us. We need to respond with faith and trust in the Lord’s control of our lives, knowing that what we are given might feel unfair at times! 

This is much more complex than the ideas in our minds about Santa Claus. It is easy to think that we are given good things for doing good, and bad things for acting badly. However, God is much bigger than this. His plan is beyond our comprehension and cannot be conceived or predicted by us.

Finally, the most important message of all, the message from our God, gives us a much greater gift than the ones we receive from Santa. Children delight in the gifts on Christmas morning left by a wonderful, giving man! He gives us what we ask for (after earning it by being good all year) and we rejoice. Yet, there is a greater gift from God.

The gift from God is given to all. Gifts from Santa are given to those who can afford it.

The gift from God is given freely. Gifts from Santa are (supposedly) given to those who “earned” it by being good.

The gift from God is eternal. We receive it once and for all. The gifts from Santa are often used for a few months before forgotten about next to a new, more exciting present.

Nothing is more exciting than the gift from God of freedom and redemption!

The gift from God erases our sins and wrongdoings. He knows that we will continue to make mistakes as sinful humans, but the gift of his son cleans us! Santa judges us for errors with his list, not knowing that by the gift of Christmas has set us free from the never-ending list of our sins.

There is one very important similarity between the concept of Santa and our Savior’s birth. On Christmas morning, as kids, we run downstairs to a great gift beneath the tree given to us by Santa. It is waiting for us to open it! To celebrate it and delight in it! Every day, there is a gift from God, just waiting for us to receive it. A gift of forgiveness, love, acceptance, and freedom. A gift of a son, sent to die the death that WE deserve for our sin and error! A gift that is waiting beneath a tree (the cross). Let us RUN to this gift and accept what the Lord has freely given us, with the same joy and excitement as a child on Christmas morning.

Emotional “Make-up”

The other day when I was putting on some make up before class, this thought, as corny as it might seem, came into my head. I put concealer and cover up on my face before I leave my room, but what am I trying to “cover up” in my emotions before I see others? What am I trying to disguise in my personality because I am afraid of the “blemishes”?

I know that often, I don’t intentionally hide aspects of my emotions, specifically my faults and flaws… I just prefer to not talk about them with everyone.

But the reason why I was thinking about this was because I has a conversation with one of the most open and honest girls I’ve ever met.

I got coffee with a girl named Lilly a week or so ago. We both go to Encounter and we share some mutual friends, so we wanted to get to know each other a bit better.

Within ten minutes, Lilly had laid everything out in front of us. Her deepest weaknesses, her worst moments, her greatest fears. Wow. It was beautiful, seriously wonderful. She was full of courage and confidence, though others might have considered it to be weakness as she sat and cried across from me. Now, they weren’t wrong… But I’d say that Lilly showed courage in sharing her weaknesses openly and was confident in what she needed from God.

Nothing was covered up.
Nothing was hidden from me.
Nothing was hidden from God.

I admit that I was not this open with Lilly at first. Isn’t it scary to really talk with someone for the first time and start off with the heaviest things on your heart? I listened for a while, keeping my own weaknesses inside. After a few minutes, though, I shared with her some of the ways that my struggles connect with hers. Anxiety. Depression. Doubts, fears, pain.

Wowie, what God does with openness…

By sharing this with Lilly, I was amazed to see the relief that came over her. As we talked about panic attacks she said, “I am not the only one to get those?” and, “Sometimes I feel so alone in this.”

We spent the next hour building each other up, pouring into each other the wisdom of the bible, of our disciplers, of books we have read and speakers we have heard from, of thoughts we have reached through prayer. We had much to learn from each other and much more that we both need to learn. There were time when I had nothing to say because I haven’t been able to solve these problems myself. There were times when she revealed a new piece of God’s truth that I had never heard before.

Imagine if I had been too proud to share my deepest struggles. Would Lilly still feel alone? Would I be carrying a heavier burden? Would our relationship have grown as it did with each other AND with God?

I think I wrote recently about a verse that simple won’t leave me alone!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

This is so true here. For lot
Lilly and I, in this conversation, we boasted confidently and courageously in our weaknesses. We identified them and presented them to each other and to the Lord.

Even more, Lilly and I talked about how these weaknesses have a purpose. God challenges us so that we may rely on him for our strength. At times, I thank him for these difficulties because I grow closer to him as I come to him for help. Today, I thank him because these weaknesses brought Lilly and I closer. Yet, we needed to be open and honest and we needed to boast in these weaknesses rather than hide behind them in shame.

The connection back to make up is that covering up blemishes on our face might not seem to do harm, but covering pieces of our personality hides things that God is doing in our lives. Whether these situations are good or bad, we experience all things for a reason and God will use ALL of them if we let him, though we CANNOT fear!

So I would just give this simple prayer to anyone reading:

God, have I identified my weaknesses? Have I admitted them to you and others? Lord, I believe that when I do, you will bless my defeat and my truthfulness and show your power through the weaknesses that you have given me!

What does God want for me?

I’ve been SO caught up lately with this question. What does God want for me? I hear so often that God has a plan for me… and I’m like, I NEED TO FIND IT! Where is it? Where’s the finish line? Which path do I take? Which one is RIGHT?

This sounds so silly but sometimes I feel like a dog that can SMELL that someone in the house just made food. So I run around, excited and hungry (though I am hungry for the Lord!!). And the kitchen door is locked!! So where’s the food? And I run around so frantically, knowing it will be GREAT once I get there but just not knowing HOW to find it!

I need peace.

I need rest.

I need contentment.

I need trust.

I need the Lord.

I have endless questions. What do you want me to do with my gifts? Should I use what I have learned in college to serve you? Would he rather have me in Chicago teaching in a high need school, or serving in a church in the suburbs, or on a college campus discipling others? Would I serve him better using my skills in teaching math… or spreading the gospel… or counseling… reaching the unloved or building up the church or leading the lost? Should I teach His word and show God’s love? Or should I teach math and show students love through that?

I don’t KNOW any answers.

I don’t NEED to know any answers.

I don’t even know if there ARE answers?

I KNOW that I need some truth poured into my life.

I’m so grateful for the people that God has put in my life to remind me that I can serve him wherever I am. He will use me. I will serve him. He doesn’t NEED me but he CHOSE me. I will be his hands and feet. That is comforting. And all I feel I can do right now is lay down these worries and questions at his feet and just TRUST GOD.

Walls

For the past few weeks, I’ve been running down this glorious path. Jesus is in front of me, waving me forward! My friends are all around me, cheering me on. “You got it, Jen! Just keep going! Turn right! Now turn left!” The path curves and turns, but Jesus is always ahead of me and sin and fear is always behind me and I am EXCITED to find out where I will be and how I will serve the Lord along the way.

But there is this wall.

This tall, towering wall that just keeps popping up.

And, um… it’s my parents.

That can be a scary wall.

You know, Jesus is still in front of me. Right on the other side of the wall, ready to lead me and guide me. My friends and community are still behind me, surrounding me, supporting me. But my parents are right before me now, cutting my run short with words of fear, reality, expectations, statistics…

Part of me just wants to lean up against the wall, defeated and discouraged. It would be easy, right? They can SUPPORT me. I could walk with me hand against that wall and find something, SOMETHING to do with my life, something that they WANT me to do. But NO! No, HOW could I live my life separated from my savior, my hope, my king? The path is still there, filled with blessings, a life lived FOR GOD.

But this wall…

It’s fear that I won’t be safe.

It’s questions of being able to support myself.

It’s overwhelming thoughts of what I am SUPPOSED to do and fear that I won’t LIVE UP TO IT.

This wall isn’t my parents. It isn’t actually THEM! It isn’t just THEIR words and doubts.

It is sin. It is Satan. And Satan will use whatever MEANS he can to make me tremor and waiver in my faith. Right now he’s using my parents. Maybe someday he will use my community and friends. Maybe someday he will use ME, my own temptations and fears, to pull me from the Lord.

What is your wall? Whatever it is standing between you and Jesus… it doesn’t matter the form it takes. Whatever it may be, work, parents, friends, finance, siblings, teachers, bosses, enemies… What is it really? It is SIN of the world being spoken through these things.

But what is the most important thing to remember, here? God is STRONGER than walls! He BREAKS down walls. He stands IN THE PLACE of walls.

So what do we have to do? Well, what do we have to NOT DO? We have to not LEAN on these walls. CLING to these walls. COWER before these walls. And don’t try to break them down yourselves. We are WEAK on our own, standing before Satan alone, we are weak to sin and temptation when are ALONE. Well. It’s a good thing we aren’t alone right?

Even though I once thought Jesus is on the other side of that wall, he is HERE. He is on my side, God is with me, fighting next to me, and he has NEVER left. I used to think that Jesus was waiting… waiting for me to beat down the sin and the fears and meet him. But I know now that I can’t BEAT DOWN sin without him! It is impossible. ONLY HE can break the walls.

The LORD is stronger, taller, mightier, bigger, much more POWERFUL than the walls of Satan and sin. So let the Lord! Let the Lord break down those walls and trust that he will with all of His power and strength and goodness!! AMEN!!

Overwhelmed?

Here in college, it seems like everyone is always just overwhelmed. Weighed down by school work, drowning in stress, buried in responsibilities.

What does it even mean to be overwhelmed?

Being a definition nerd, I’ve found some meanings. It means we are buried or have drowned beneath a huge mass. It means that we are defeated completely. It means that something is too strong for us; it has overpowered us.

Then I hear the words, “I’m overwhelmed by you,” in the song by Big Daddy Weave. What?? Isn’t being overwhelmed a BAD thing?

But then I remember… Through baptism I was BURIED when the old me died to my sin. The only way I rise again is through HIM. The girl who clings to the world and to life has been defeated by a greater and more powerful God. He is far stronger than anything I have, anything I can do on my own. He is bigger than anything I can imagine, and he has overpowered the sin and suffering that lives in me!

So, yes, my God is overwhelming. His mercy and love is so great that it completely takes me over.

I feel overwhelmed by school and studies and work far too often. I let my responsibilities rule me, bury me, engulf me, burden me, worry me, and drown me. But that is actually me giving POWER to things in this world that are POWERLESS next to God. Next time I feel overwhelmed by stressors in this world, I will remind myself of the greatness of God. The way that HE overwhelms me isn’t full of pain, but rather, full of joy, awe, majesty, and surrender.

It’s not me

God, I need your reminder that when I am doing your work or sharing your name, it’s not through my power that someone may be changed. It’s you. Only you can move someone’s heart. My actions may serve you and work for your kingdom but it is YOU who moves, not me.

Yesterday I was feeling burdened. It was a big day at Encounter, where everyone brought friends! I’m so grateful for the opportunity and reminder to reach out to someone who needs community or love. I reached out to a girl named Kimmy.

You know the struggles that Kimmy has faced this year. She was reluctant and questioning. Things like time and homework and stress and lack of energy threatened to keep her home. And I was so worried that if Kimmy didn’t come, I failed. Like, we had one job!! Bring a friend! If I couldn’t convince my friend to come, I felt like I was letting down god.

Lord, will you remind me of how silly those thoughts are? Can you show me how your power and plans stretch far beyond my abilities and dreams?

It wasn’t me who brought Kimmy last night, lord. It was you. When she showed up, I was delighted because I knew Encounter would help say meet you and hear from you. But how, HOW, could I give myself credit for the work you are doing in her life? How could I say that I brought her to encounter when YOU have been calling her for her whole life? You are in control here, and what I do in your name is your work, your mission, and your power.

Lift the burden from me, God. Show me that it isn’t me who wins, it is YOU!

Amen!!

A question: Have you been called by God?

It’s been a bit more than a month since I was baptized and I still have a lot to learn. I’m interesting in hearing some of your experiences with being called by God towards the plan He has for you.

Today at my campus ministry, our pastor, Pete, talked about how many people in the bible talked about how they were kept up at night. They couldn’t even sleep because of a phrase, a vision, or a dream that spoke to them. Pete talked about his prayers that kept him up at night as he tried to decide whether to adopt more kids. God called him to impact children’s lives through adoption.

I don’t know if I’ve heard God’s calling yet. I am learning from Him to pray, listen, and quiet my own heart. It is hard, though!

I recently looked at the website for the junior high ministry of my church at home. I applied to be a small group leader over the summer, whether on a weekly basis or just at the summer retreat. I felt a warmth and longing as I thought about the middle school age of kids and the service that I could give them.

This has been pulling at my heart since, even more so because I am an education major. I am certified to teach high school and middle school, but I have always planned to teach high school. Now, I am wondering if that is God’s path for me. Does he want me to teach middle school kids or high school? Should I attempt to change my student teaching application so I could service middle school students, instead?

I’m going to pray tonight on it and try to quiet my own thoughts. The hardest thing is telling the difference between what is the world speaking to me and what is God.

I’d really love to hear your stories of being called by God to fulfill the plan that He has for you. Have you felt pulled in a certain direction? Have you given up your own plans for Him? Please share if you have experiences so I can learn more about the wonderful work that God has done!

Giving back!

I can’t believe how fast spring break has come. Today I am leaving for an Alternative Spring Break trip to Virginia with 40 other students to work on a sustainable farm. We will be working with neglected and abused farm animals and doing labor on the farm for this entire week! It is really going to push me out of my comfort zone and while I’m a bit nervous, I’m also SO excited!!

I just really pray that God works through me this week. Even though I’m not going on a mission trip like some of my friends are, I can still let God be present in everything I do.

We can let God’s hands work through us! If you are teaching children, show them that unconditional love exists because of God’s love for us! If you are managing people in a big company, show your appreciation for them and never be sparse in forgiveness, because God has forgiven us. If you work behind a desk, use your time for quiet work to reflect and be with God! He lives in us and can shine through ANY work!

So as I look for Emu eggs, paint a barn, and help organize materials in the farm this week, I will let God be with me and allow his love for the world to show through me. I will pray that my actions will help the world see God and worship him! He will be with all of us, all the same with all of his power and love, no matter what we are doing. If we remember that, we can let him SHINE!

The Sacrifice

 

Wow! My campus ministry blew me away last night with a moving message about Jesus’s sacrifice. Here’s a quick summary:

 

Understanding the sacrifice that God made for us requires that we understand the mindset of the world before Jesus died on the cross. (I haven’t read the old testament so I’m just working off of what I heard last night.) During this time, sacrifices were made in order to please God. Food was burned and animals were slaughtered in hopes that God would have mercy and provide His blessing to the people. In Kings, the people would pour out THEIR OWN BLOOD to please God, pay for their sins, give Him love, and win Him over!

 

Then, Jesus was the “game-changer.” Jesus came down and gave his own sacrifice. He died on the cross to give US HIS LOVE! To win us over! To pay for the sins of the people the way that they had been trying to pay on their own! He turned everything around, pouring out HIS BLOOD to show his love for us! The Jews were expecting a king to fulfill the prophecy. Instead, Jesus was beaten, mocked, and crucified. God gave us his PERFECT SON the way in response to the way that SO MANY PEOPLE had tried to give God their own devotion. How amazing–nothing we ever do can live up to that sacrifice that God made for us!

 

Do you ever wonder if God loves you? How do you know if He really cares for you? Do we know for sure?

 

God gave his only son for us. His son lived a perfect life and then died on the cross as a sacrifice for the sins on earth. He paid the debt, the ransom, that we had been trying to pay for THOUSANDS OF YEARS. What more could God do? What more could God do to show his love? Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s love. Live in awe of Him!

 

“Heavenly Father, the words thank you will never be enough. The sacrifice of your son was a game-changer from Heaven. The world will never be the same! I owe my life and my salvation to your grace and your mercy. Let me lay down at the foot of the cross and surrender my life to the sacrifice that is beyond comprehension. Let me be humbled in your name, for you are the love of this world! I praise you for your wonder and power. You love us; we are yours, God, and you are OURS! Amen!”

“Make me broken so I can be healed, ’cause I’m so calloused and now I can’t feel. I want to run to You with heart wide open…
Make me broken.”

God is making me. That is what I need to keep telling myself. The valleys I’m going through are deep and rocky but through these struggles, God is refining my faith and building me to be His. God has made me His, but he is not finished! He will continue to bring to life the pieces of my soul that are formed through His grace and will, while the flesh of me continues to die in surrender.

 

It has been a really rough week for me, to be honest. I had an anxiety attack on Friday, and since then I’ve been struggling to stay calm. I pushed myself way too far with involvement and commitments this semester and I hardly have time to breathe, nonetheless spend time with God. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Now is the time for me to give it up and let the Lord take control.

 

When my anxiety was really taking over on Friday, it pulled me away from God. There was this great distance between us because I could not push past my thoughts and my struggles. The only thing that kept me grounded in God is that I reminded myself that God is holding me as tightly now as he was the moment that I was baptized. He has the strength to break me and heal me in HIM. Only when my trust is fully placed in God will I find my true rest. He is my Savior and He will KEEP MAKING ME.